Dec 08 2014

Play by Play of I Am Bread

I Am Bread is a video game on steam. Your mission? Become toast. That’s it. This is some of what I heard while the husband played this bizarre game tonight.

Me after just getting to the bottom of the steps: *dumbfounded stare*
Trey: just shut up and pass me the LSD.

Me: have you just started playing?
Trey: no, I’ve been trying for 10 minutes but I keep getting covered in too much lint

Trey, repeatedly: I am bread. I must be toooooooast

Trey, upon starting a new game: I must be toast!
Me, ignorantly: Where is the toaster?
Trey, in anguish: I don’t even know!

Random exclamations for awhile:

  • Ooh I’m dancing
  • I broke the jam!
  • Who eats fish for breakfast? How does a piece of bread throw a fish anyway? Oh, I’m covered in fish bones
  • Am I making love to the butter? What am I doing?
  • (After the butter fucking): Hopefully I am now buttered…

Me: ew, you’re on the trash can
Trey: I am on the trash can aren’t I? I’m so existential I don’t even know it

Trey: I wear the bread, the bread does not wear me.

Trey: (Ruefully) I shall never be toast

Trey: Curse you, Skateboard!

After yelling at the cat for trying to steal his blizzard authenticator: She wants to play Diablo, but I can’t even be bread. Glass-covered nothingness.

Trey: I move but I get covered in crud! It’s like my life

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